DARK NIGHTS of
the soul are, according to John Ortberg in Soul
Keeping, a time to stop going to church. Being around happy, clappy
Christians is likely to send us into a deplorable tailspin, so why go there and
put ourselves through unnecessary pain?
Other life
situations when it’s time to stop — for a period — from going to church:
2. When the pastor or church leaders are being nasty: yes, this
apparently does happen. If a person in leadership at a church is behaving
nastily — under the guise of speaking the truth in love (that isn’t so loving!)
— it’s time to stop going to church there. There is a people of God out there
who will love you better than that.
3. You’re not being included: some churches think they are inclusive, but
they don’t ensure you are invited into their number. There is something
incompatible with the New Testament teachings of Jesus here. There is a people
of God out there who will include you
better than that.
4. Pressure from a church leader or a friend to attend church
more regularly: some pastors have this way of following up on folk — after a
week or two absence — by way of saying, “Hey, we missed you at the weekend...
what’s been happening... are you okay, we haven’t seen you.” Don’t buy their
concern unless you know they really are concerned. And great if they are
concerned. If you are suspicious maybe it’s time to look for a church with more
authentic and humble leaders who are beyond a ‘numbers’ mindset. There is a
people of God out there who will not
pressure you like that.
5. You’ve noticed people leaving the church you go to abruptly
and without reason: everyone has a reason for leaving a church, especially those
you know who have gone abruptly. Church leadership has occasionally been known
to be the most autocratic of management under the guise of being under the
headship of Christ. There is a people of God out there who won’t push you out even if they disagree with you.
6. When you quiz church leadership and you’re fobbed off: any time you
feel you’re not worth the time of a church leader’s day is probably the time to
investigate other churches in your local area. But also ensure you haven’t just
caught your pastor on an ‘off’ day — because we all have them. Beyond a
generous sense of graciousness, vote with your feet if you need to. There is a
people of God out there who won’t ignore
you.
7. Experiences of healing haven’t come: many people
roll up to church in order that God might heal them of a particular sinful
expression they haven’t yet shaken. If healing hasn’t come as you’d expected,
talk to your pastor at the church. Mention to them you’re pondering moving to
another church. Their response should be to facilitate healing if possible.
8. You or someone you know has been abused: nobody should
stay at a church where they’ve been abused, physically, emotionally, sexually,
spiritually, verbally, or otherwise. Your safety and the safety of the person
you know who is susceptible are so paramount you need to take immediate steps
to get clear of such a church. There is a people of God out there who will love
you and won’t abuse you.
9. If putting the past behind you is crucial, you
should make a clean break of it. There is a people of God out there who will allow you to be the person you
need to be now.
10. You are
not growing in your walk with Christ: this is not always a concern for
those indirectly involved, but we all deserve to grow in our relationship with
God. If you are not growing, be prepared to challenge yourself boldly. There is
a people of God out there who will urge
you to grow and they’ll do it in an encouraging way.
We shouldn’t up
and leave churches just because the seats are hard or the worship’s no good.
Even if we aren’t perfectly comfortable it may still be the best church for us
at the time.
© 2015 S. J. Wickham.
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